It’s a Love Story (that most likely won’t happen)

One big difference between men and women is where they get there ideas of what intimacy is. A man and a woman in a relationship will rarely have similar views on what intimacy is because women learn about romance from books like Cinderella or Cosmo magazine while men read adventure novels and sport and car magazines. This reinforces men’s gender stereotype that lead them to focus on sex and women to focus on being swept away. Neither expectation creates a healthy romantic relationship because those expectations are rarely met. As a romantic relationship matures memories of our unrealistic relationship models negatively affect both male and female evaluations. (Gamble and Gamble, Chapter 7)

“Love Story”

We were both young, when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts-
I’m standing there, on a balcony in summer air.

I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd-
You say hello, little did I know…

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles-
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet”-
And I was crying on the staircase-
begging you, “Please don’t go…”
And I said…

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet, because we’re dead if they knew-
So close your eyes… escape this town for a little while.
Oh, Oh.

Cause you were Romeo – I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet” -
but you were everything to me-
I was begging you, “Please don’t go”
And I said…

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes-

Romeo save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it’s real.
Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes.
Oh, Oh.

I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said…

Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don’t know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said…

Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad — go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story, baby just say… yes.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.

’cause we were both young when I first saw you

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

I am obviously using this song to take a look at women’s unrealistic view of love. I believe in true love but its hard to believe the fact that some women would think that this song is a template of what true love is. This song is just like what the Gamble’s say, women want to be swept away while men want sex. There are numerous rap songs I looked at using to compare but I do not want to have anything that crude on here. One thing I noticed about this song is nothing sexual is even mentioned, not even a kiss, whereas it is hard to find a song sang by a guy that does not even mention a kiss even if the song is not about a girl.

Sources: Michael W, Teri Kwal, Gamble (2003). The Gender Communication Connection. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Ross and Rachel meet, fall in love, hate each other then fall in love!!!

There is a ten stage model to romantic relationships. The first step is initiating which is meeting the person or approaching them to ask how they are for the first time. Then experimenting which is where you search for common ground in order to figure out if it has a future or not. Next is intensifying which is where you disclose more and more personal information and how you feel about one another grows. Some call this stage the love stage. Then there is the integrating stage which is where people begin to see you as a couple. Bonding is when you start to talk about yourselves sharing your lives together. Then it goes downhill with the differentiating stage which is when we attempt to regain unique identities rather than be seen as a package deal. Circumscribing is the stage where the relationship begins to unravel. Then the stagnating stage which is the relationship just at a standstill. Next is avoiding which is where the former partners ignore each other in order to avoid having to relate in any way. Last is terminating the relationship which is when the relationships cause our weighs the rewards. (Gamble and Gamble Chapter 7)

This video is a 10 minute clip I found on youtube and it is a video summary of Ross and Rachel’s 10 year up and down relationship. They have every stage in the video from initiating to the integrating and the circumscribing and terminating stage. The thing about the two of them is they went through that cycle one full time then they started the relationship again. I think this is a great demonstration of what a real life relationship can look like. Sure it was a lot of fake Hollywood involved with them, but they go through turmoil, hating each other, loving each other which are all common things that happen to the strongest of relationships.

Sources: Michael W, Teri Kwal, Gamble (2003). The Gender Communication Connection. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company.

If She Were A Boy

“If I Were A Boy”

[Verse]
If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

[Verse]
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

[Bridge]
It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

[Chorus 2]
But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

[Thanks to jd for these lyrics]

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

This song is perfect for taking a look at what some girls think a mans life is like. In this class we have talked so much about double standards for women, and women not getting the respect that they deserve from men, and I agree with everything we have said, but one thing this song shows is that men should get more respect and trust from some women. I know that there are some men who do not treat women right but this song is kind of offensive. I do not really care because it is Beyonce but if I had a friend tell me these things I would be upset. It is not nearly as easy to be a boy as Beyonce makes it out to be in this song. We do not go out looking for ways to give our girlfriends reasons to mistrust us. This song is written toward the few guys who deserve to be mistrusted, but where is the song for us good guys? One of the characteristics of romance that the Gambles write about is commitment. (Gamble and Gamble, p.167) I am not aware of many men who have a hard time following that rule.

Sources: Michael W, Teri Kwal, Gamble (2003). The Gender Communication Connection. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Tell me, how do you really feel?

What better TV couple to analyze when talking about romance than Ross and Rachel from Friends? I am taking a look at how men and women share with one another how they feel. The way women express closeness is by talking to them, encouraging them or sharing about themselves. The way that men show closeness is by doing things with or for them. Typically women are found to disclose more information which may be one reason why women often feel hurt in a relationship when they share their inner feelings and don’t receive the same things back from men. Two things I found interesting is that researchers have found out that men use self disclosure much more than previously thought and for men increased disclosure enhances the stability of the relationship. Also men tend to fall in love before women which may be one reason why they are the ones who take initiative and typically initiate “I love you.” (Gamble and Gamble Chapter 7)

In this clip Rachel is leaving Ross a message on his answering machine before she leaves for a job in Europe. It is the very last episode and Ross has just told her he is in love with her. She is on the plane leaving the message and she realized she was in love with him. The way she showed this to him was by telling him that over and over again via message and then in person. Ross shows her in different ways while still telling her as all men do sometimes. When he first starts to like her he buys her a very nice gift that friends would not buy for each other. This is one example of how men show closeness to women by buying them gifts or doing things for or with them.

Guys+Girls+Talking=Not Good for Anyone

Being good friends with girls is something I never experienced really until college and once I did sometimes problems come up such as the ones in the book. It says that “men sometimes have a harder time being friends with women without some hope of romantic involvement.” (Gamble and Gamble Chapter 6) Women are perfectly capable of being just good friends but men have a tougher time keeping it as just good friends and when a woman discovers this it leads to mistrust and sometimes ends the relationship. I see this happen frequently in college with myself and with my friends. It is tough to be good friends with girls because men are much more conversational and willing to open up to women which in my mind creates more intimacy. The problem with that is that women already are used to that because they share it all the time with other women. Part of the problem in men and women becoming close friends is there really is not too much about it that is different for women, but for men everything about it is different.

I do have several personal stories relating to this but the one I am going to share started May of 08. I met this girl who also went to CNU and we were simply friends that was it. Slowly we started talking more around campus then school ended and she went back to Richmond and I stayed in Newport News. We began to talk on the phone some and I started to develop feelings for her that were not there originally. As I was trying to figure out what to do she invited me to her house a few times to visit. I did and she has an awesome family and I started to really feel like I really liked her. We would stay out by the pool all day talking at her house or ended up talking pretty late a few nights. This went on for a little while then I just told her how I felt and she had absolutely no clue I liked her and she saw me as just a friend. Needless to say I was pissed but now I can see it from her point of view and she sees it from mine. To her I was just another friend because she stays up late talking to her girlfriends all the time, invites her girlfriends over to her house for weekends, and when they visit they just hang at the pool talking all day, so nothing she did with me was any different than what she normally does with friends. I on the other hand never talk to people that consistently so it was just miss communication on both sides. Needless to say it never worked out but we are still friends.

Sources:Michael W, Teri Kwal, Gamble (2003). The Gender Communication Connection. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company.

What did she just say?

The way men and women verbally communicate with one another is very different. This cartoon of Zits is a representation of how differently the two sides communicate. She is talking about how women are so aware of everything, almost to a fault, while men are so oblivious sometimes they do not know what is going on. During the whole conversation Jeremy has no clue what is going on and just keeps trying to catch up in the conversation making grunts and huhs.

Although this cartoon takes it to an extreme, on some level this is true. I think women are socialized to be more in tune with what is going on around them, sometimes this is a great trait to have while other times it can be a problem because their attention to detail becomes overwhelming. Men on the other hand are better at not getting so involved with every little thing and minding their own business which also is good sometimes but other times can get them into trouble because they are not great at tuning back in when they need to. Also in cross-sex friendships “men tend to talk more, but keep the focus on themselves.” (Gamble and Gamble, p 156) Men talk more because they feel more comfortable, but talk about themselves because men are concerned with impressing women, even if they are just friends.

Sources: Michael W, Teri Kwal, Gamble (2003). The Gender Communication Connection. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Dad’s Can’t Dance!

Every now and then I get a text from my dad asking me to call him and things are always misspelled or he accidentally sends it before he finishes. My dad is very smart but the difference between his generation and mien are evident in how technologically savvy I was naturally and how hard he has to work to keep up. That just shows how different the two generations really are, and that makes it much harder to communicate. The way my generation talks about things parents sometimes have no clue what we are saying.

Zits

Not only is Zits one of my favorite cartoons but it is also very true the way that it portrays communication between parents and their kids. I can think back to times like both of these that were very similar with me and my parents. We have no ways of doing things such as dances, they are not even close to what they were when my parents were in High School and they just do not understand why people dance like that. As for the cartoon where his mom is waking him up and he says he is up just not up, I think almost every teenager has a story like this. These miss communications are what lead to teenagers who do not get along with their parents. The book says that it “found that teenagers who fail to get along well with their fathers are more liekely to smoke, drink, and use drugs than teenagers in average two-parent families.” (Gamble and Gamble P.205)

Sources: Gamble, T. K., & Gamble, M. W. (2003). The Gender Communication Connection. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company